How long will she be dead?

How long will my life be? Will I be dead in the next three or four hundred pages? Or will he forget, or will he make me kill, and then I’ll go to jail and the door will slam and he’ll write “The End” and I’ll be left in limbo for eternity; a true immortal. I ought to find that funny, a triumph for me, the character. I win, you lose. The author dies, but the character, being an idea, can never die. But it’s not funny. It scares the shit out of me. What if he dies before the book is finished? Do I just stop in mid-stride, mid-orgasm, mid-scream, and hang there, freeze-framed until the universe goes cold?

Character in search of an author - character's POV

Nothing I do or say is going to make a difference. He’s already made up his mind. If you look for the word ‘frustration’ in the OED you’ll see my ... no you won’t, because apart form being 5’ 7” with long blond hair and blue eyes, I have no idea what I look like because the bastard has never described me. Oh Christ! My face is a blank. If I look in the bathroom mirror will anyone look back? But that doesn’t make sense: I look in the mirror a dozen times a day. I mean, I must do, mustn’t I? But has he ever said I do? Has he ever said that I looked in a mirror? What would happen if I went back to page one and did it all again? Would I know any more?

Character in search of an author - the author's POV

This woman thinks she’s slipping out of my control. I know it’s generally believed by the gullible public and artsy-farty wannabe writers that characters take on a life of their own and start doing things you don’t want them to. But that’s bullshit. They’re words on paper, figments of my imagination, and they bloody well do what I want them to do. Jesus Christ, they’d better because I made them and I can unmake just as easily. Which way you want to go? Car smash, cancer, a bullet between the eyes, or something really inventive and agonizing like being burned alive as a witch? ‘Cause I can do it, and there’s bugger all you can do to stop me.

     Then again, maybe she is getting a bit uppity and I’ll have to slap her down. I’ll string her along for a couple of chapters and then, wham, out the left field something’ll leave her wide–eyed and gasping and she’ll be bloody sorry she ever screwed with me. I think that calls for a couple of fingers of Scotch. I always write better when I’m half loaded. The words come easier and there are none of those fatuous inhibitions and cringing servility at the altar of political correctness. Fuck political correctness. I write and if you don’t like it, don’t damned well read it. Chuck the book in the fire. Write to the Pope and get it banned – yes, please do that: the free publicity would send sales through the roof.

Ode to the Typographical Error

“The typographical error is a slippery thing and sly;
You can hunt till you are dizzy, but it somehow will get by.
Till the forms are on the press, it is strange how still it keeps.
It shrinks down in a corner, and it never stirs or peeps –
That typographical error, too small for human eyes –
Till the ink is on the paper, when it grows to mountain size.
The boss he stares with horror, then grabs his hair and groans;
The copyreader drops his head upon his hands and moans.
The remainder of the issue may be clean as clean can be,
But the typographical error is the only thing you see.”

There are no rules

Despite what everyone likes to tell, and they’re usually people making money out of teaching courses or writing books like this one, there are no real rules to writing fiction. That is, apart from spelling, a modicum of correct grammar, and punctuation to make it readable and to get your meaning across. Note: “Eats shoots and leaves.” “Eats, shoots, and leaves.” And “Eats shoots, and leaves.” You won’t learn how to write from classes. You’ll only learn what someone else thinks. You learn from reading, and writing. You learn from yourself.

The Thrill in Thriller

How do you put the thriller in a Thriller? Conventional crime stories play upon the audience's conventional fears of lawlessness, violence, death. But the Thriller goes far deeper. It reaches into the audience's unconscious mind to arouse the gripping, irrational fear of a fate worse than death, a fate that would make you beg for oblivion. The key to this intense terror is the writer's creation of an extreme offset of power between the underdog protagonist and the ruthless spirit of evil lurking within the antagonist. The greater this imbalance, the greater the thrill in the Thriller.

The Right Words

I'm reminded of a line of Hemingway's. Someone asked him how he knew what to write and how to say it, and he replied that he only used certain words. What words are those, they asked? .....do I need to finish it?

Because we must

Man’s primordial need to hear stories, to remember the past, to exercise his imagination: that is why novelists succeed, because they not only entertain, but are necessary.

And so it goes

“A lot of critics think I’m stupid because my sentences are so simple and my method is so direct: they think these are defects. No. The point is to write as much as you know as quickly as possible.” (Kurt Vonnegut)

A multitude of books for free

The websites, Manybooks and Gutenberg, which a lot of you will know, offer FREE classic books, from A-Z, from Austen to Zola. You can't do better than that. And it's true what they say, "To anyone reading a book for the first time, no matter when it was published, it's new and hot off the press." Think about that for a second. Download them, yes, free, onto your Kindle, or any other pad or device, and enjoy all those books you "thought" you'd read but hadn't.

Stork's law

The Romans had a law compelling children to care for their aged parents. They caled it "Lex Ciconaria". I'm seriously thinking of getting this back on the statute books. Dammit, I spent all those years looking after them: now it's my turn. Hmmm. Storks can fly; not sure this one will.

Wold Newton Universe

Excerpt from Wikipedia The Wold Newton family is a literary concept derived from a form of crossover fiction developed by the science fiction writer Philip José Farmer. Farmer suggested in two "biographies" of fictional characters, that the real meteorite (Wold Cottage meteorite) which fell near Wold Newton, Yorkshire, England, on December 13, 1795, was radioactive and caused genetic mutations in the occupants of a passing coach. Many of their descendants were thus endowed with extremely high intelligence and strength, as well as an exceptional capacity and drive to perform good, or, as the case may be, evil deeds. The progeny of these travellers were purported to have been the real-life originals of fictionalised characters, both heroic and villainous, over the last few hundred years. Never heard of Wold Newton, or crossover fiction? You may be missing out. Take a look at the website and discover a whole new genre. http://www.pjfarmer.com/woldnewton/Pulp2.htm

In the beginning was the word

Long ago, when the world was young, I sat down on a bunk bed, put my portable typewriter on a packing case, and hammered out my first novel. It was about an ex-spy named Maxim Gunn. It was terrible. But the feeling of satisfaction I got from putting in that final full stop and writing The End, was enormous. More than that it meant I could call myself a writer. Eight more Maxim Gunn stories later (a lot better) and there’s the beginning of a series. Take a look if you don’t believe me - http://www.tauruspub.net/Maxim-Gunn.html The thing is, terrible or not, I still have it. It should have been shredded, but it wasn’t. It’s tangible proof that one day long ago I did what so few people did in those days before computers and word processors: I finished a book. Of course, Maxim Gunn wasn’t the only character I wrote about. There are a lot of others in thrillers, dramas, occult and horror stories. Some have been published; others are waiting in the wings. But my point is, that’s where it began, in a hot room in Western Australia, with the sweat dripping off my chin. And I’ve never looked back. I’m a writer. Successful or not, I’m a writer and always will be. And it started with one lousy book.

Noir

By David L. Vineyard March 5, 2009 Not all of these elements are in every noir film or book, but enough of them predominate that they can be used to define the genre. There are always going to be films or books that are on the edge one way or another, and because of its nature I’m not sure noir can be defined precisely, but I’ll name seven key factors I think are vital. 1. Alienation. 2. Obsession 3. Visual Style 4. Destructive Sexuality 5. Grotesque characters 6. Narration 7. Stylized violence

A bit at a time gets it done

Does the thought of writing a five hundred page novel overwhelm you? Does it seem an impossible task? Try breaking it down into bite-sized pieces, or at least chapters. No one said you have to start at page one and work your way through to “The End”. If you’ve got a great last chapter or scene, write it first (it’ll give you something to aim for). Got a great love scene, a bit of action, some killer dialogue? Write them now, because I promise you that you won’t remember them later. Novels are made up of scenes; some sequential, some in parallel depending on the POV. Treat them as such. Of course it’s a good idea to have a “plan”, and outline of what you want the story to say, how you want it to go, and where you want it to end. But you can think of the writing process in the same way as they shoot a movie. All locations tend to be shot at one time because shooting them sequentially is expensive and time-consuming – think of all the equipment you have to move. However, as a writer you have the luxury of being wherever you want, whenever you want. Just don’t get stuck in that “page one, line one” trap.

A word to the wise

A wise publisher will let an author write what they want to, because with any author who is not simply writing formulas, who’s trying to create something new, pressuring them to do something for market purposes almost always backfires. Working under those circumstances is very difficult and self-defeating.

There is no road map

There is no roadmap for writers. There’s no arrow saying “You are here”, with a lot of other signs pointing to other places you may or may not want to go. You can only look back at where others have been and learn. Then you must go into the unknown, the places marked on the map “Here there be dragons”. This is the only way to progress in your journey, because to stay on the well-trodden path is merely to revisit what has already been done. Exploration will find your unique voice. There is no right way to write. Read: novels and screenplays; learn from others, see what they did and then find your own voice. The books will tell you about structure, about beat, about subtext: all very necessary. But don’t let them take over your own ability to tell a story. There are only three real cardinal rules. Every story must have a beginning, middle and an end. You must engage your audience immediately, keep them engaged throughout, and then finish off with a bang, give them an ending that leaves them guessing or blurs their eyes with tears. But whichever way you do it, there’s got to be a “wow” factor. Your reader or cinema viewer has got to put down your book or walk out of the darkened theatre thinking they’ve had their money’s worth and are going to tell someone else about it.

I am a writer because . . .

I am a writer. I have published books. I am a writer. I have received both kudos and criticism. I like the kudos more. I am a writer. If you don’t enjoy my words, that only means that you don’t enjoy my words. Nobody made you Literary Critic God. I am a writer. The fact that I earn my living from a day job subtracts nothing from this fact. I am a writer. When my computer goes pffft, or the electricity fails, I resent the loss of my word processor more than I care about the Internet access or television. I am a writer. I cannot imagine not writing. AND - I am the last boss I’ll ever have. Of course that doesn’t take into account my editor, my publisher and the people who read my books, who all think I work for them. Actually, it’s the other way round. In their own way each of them works for me.

Typewriters - the then and now.

Today’s generation can’t comprehend the aggravation of having to use manual typewriters and eraser fluid. Those were the time when writing was a labour of love, literally. Imagine pounding out screenplays and novels with two fingers, emptying bottles of eraser fluid. No cut and paste, no insert, no spell-check, no page numbering, no perfectly turned out product from a laser printer. In the pre-computer days writing was about love of writing and perseverance, about producing something that looked like a manuscript dug up after half a century in the ground and handing it to a typist in the hope she, yes she, could read it and produce something an editor wouldn’t chuck in the garbage. If we still had to do that, there’d be a damned site fewer manuscripts and screenplays written, and the ones that were would come from the heart, written in heart’s blood. Writers today have no idea what it was like before computers and word processors. It was a constant battle; stabbing at a mechanical keyboard, eternally reaching for the whiteout as you stumbled around with two fingers, cursing and wishing you’d had the sense to go to typing school, but remembering that if Hemingway could do why not you. People wrote because they really wanted to and were prepared to put up with the inconveniences. And because there were none of the conveniences we take for granted in word processing, if you changed you mind or wanted to revise a chapter or a page it meant typing the whole damned thing again, or scribbling endless little hieroglyphics in the margins, pasting fragments till the manuscript looked like one of the Dead Sea Scrolls. I tell you, the writing life back in those days was for the dedicated few. Publishers actually had what were called slush piles and had readers whose job it was to sift through all those unsolicited manuscripts from hopefuls like you and me just in case the next Steinbeck or Hemmingway was lurking in the dust. Publishers actually encouraged authors: today if you don’t have an agent and send an unsolicited MS, it’ll end up in the shredder. There’s a saying which probably contains a lot of truth. “Everyone has a book in them, and in 99% of cases that’s exactly where it should stay.” As I said, I blame the computer. Today, anyone can slap together a few of hundred pages and call it a book, and the sad part is it’ll be beautifully presented thanks to those word processors. Look at bookstore shelves: there are hundreds and hundreds of books that will never make a penny, and many are so badly written it’s frightening. But what’s more frightening is why any publisher would want to risk their reputation by turning them out. Life’s a mystery. Writing is part of life. I just wish sometimes the computer had never been invented and then only those writers who had the passion to write and maybe had something worth reading would make it past the shredder.

Bits and pieces - or - a writers life.

This is a thing of bits and pieces, of quotations, aphorisms, thoughts and other unconsidered trifles of the writing life. Feel free to comment, add your own thoughts and ideas. Stay away from destructive criticism, bad language and vulgarity: life hands out enough of those and nobody needs them here. First quote: Dr. Samuel Johnson said, “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.” It’s a good point. The trouble is that it’s so hard to get anyone to pay you for your efforts. Still, roadblocks never stopped a writer from trying, and Winston Churchill said, “Never give in, never, never, never.” And to that end I’ll direct you straight to my website at http://www.tauruspub.net/ – which is Taurus Publishing. Stay tuned, there will be more.